Checking Ourselves
Guiding clients as they process their trauma and let go of the pain of the past is one of the greatest honors, but it can also be heavy work. Therapist self-care doesn’t mean spending money on activities or making the most of your weekends—the best self-care is having a plan that you can use during small pockets of your day, or even (especially) while in session with clients. Here are some ideas to start:
What are your own negative cognitions? It can help to take time once a week or in the mornings and write down the negative cognitions that you’re carrying about yourself as a person or a therapist. Take notice especially around your beliefs about your responsibility, control, identity, safety and trust. These can be helpful to process with your own therapist. But even at a minimum, writing them down so that you can be aware of them can be extremely helpful.
Remember your role! In EMDR, our work is to guide a client to removing the barriers to their brain’s natural healing capacity, not to make healing happen for them. Are you noticing parts of you that want to step in, such as the Fixer, the Rescuer, the Expert, or the Analyzer?
What needs to be contained? If you don’t already have your own imagined container, think of one that works for you! Set a type of closing ceremony after each session or each day to contain information you may be carrying. This could be locking your office or your computer, lighting a candle or blowing one out, or using your imagined container. Remember to check your body for any tension or distress that may represent your client’s “stuff” that you are still carrying.
What does it feel like to feel grounded? It may be time to dust off your own calm place or healing place. Notice what it feels like to be in your Window of Tolerance, grounded in your body. Tap this in! This can be a great reminder during session to physically return to your Window of Tolerance if you feel yourself getting activated.
Find a go-to grounding skill during sessions. Something I’ve loved about EMDR is that there are built in grounding skills for both therapist and client during each session! This is especially true during Phase 4, when we’re invited to breathe with a client in between sets. One of the most helpful tools I’ve learned is that we don’t need to picture the story our client is telling us in order to be attuned with them. Connect to your Window of Tolerance or find an image in the room to bring you back to this moment. It may be helpful to feel the pen in your hand or the keyboard keys beneath your fingers. You may want to light a candle or have a soothing scent in your office.
Humans are the best helpers, because we’re able to attune and connect in ways that no machine could replicate. As humans, we can also model what healthy and consistent self-care looks like. Find a self-care plan that works for you and practice it so that it becomes more natural for you, and go with that.